"Balance, Daniel Son"

I can remember being 13 yrs old. My parents sent me to California for a summer to stay with a friend. That summer I learned a lesson that stuck with me for a long time.

The ocean is powerful...

I still remember the first time I got knocked down by a wave. Not the kind where you stumble and eat some sand, but the kind where you are out too far, without any decent idea of how deep the water is, without any real idea of what could happen.

I remember that first time, I about panicked. There I was, all awkward and 13, with no idea that I was only seconds away from thinking "I might not live through this..."

The wave roared towards me and picked me up off the silly little foam board I was trying to ride. Picked me up, and put me down hard. I was under water. I remember being surprised to find that no matter what I did under the surface of that water, it made no difference. I just went where the currents took me.

I remember trying to swim one direction, only to feel my body get pulled the opposite by the powerful currents. I remember thinking that I would just sprawl out and slow my negative progression, only to find I made myself into a sort of underwater sail that the currents just pushed harder.

Not long after that, I remember thinking "ok, just get to the surface" so I struggled hard at the direction of the light, but to my surprise hit a hard surface. Totally disoriented, I had a moment of confounded wonder as I tried to figure out why the surface was not letting me proceed. The split second passed as my eyes and brain quickly made sense of what had been the sunlight reflecting off the ocean floor.

I remember fighting back the panic that started to rush in because my lungs where burning as I realized that I was still 12' under a turbulent surface, and at the end of my lungs' capacity. I pushed hard off the sandy floor and felt what was left of the currents buffeting against my determined body as I shot to the top.

I erupted into a huge gasp of thankfulness, only to be cut short by the second wave that had mercilessly started the process over again. This must have happened about 3 or 4 times, before I started to finally gain control of the situation.

I left that day, one of the longest 15 minutes of my life (up to that point), exhausted.


I often think of that day. I will get news that rocks my world, info that adds to the turbulent undertaking, events that pull me whichever way they choose with a careless strength that whispers "you are small."

I often think of that day when I struggle hard after the surface, only to find out I've been fighting in the wrong direction.

There's still times where I can close my eyes, in the midst of craziness, and find myself short of breath as I  try to push back the panic in order to accomplish the very necessary task at hand.


 So why Mr. Miyagi?

I was watching Karate Kid today with my children. Classic movie right! I loved seeing the big hair and rolled up jeans. I laughed at the love scene and my 7 yr old was trying to figure out what was funny.

I watched Daniel Russo (Daniel Son) trying to stand on one foot while getting tossed around by the waves as Mr. Miyagi hollered from the beach "you learn balance first danielson, practice balance".

Can you remember about 45 minutes into the movie, when Mr. Miyagi gives Daniel Son the keys to his very own car? Daniel is having a rough week and he's worried about the fight scene coming up at the karate tournament.

Mr. Miyagi sees the worry on Daniel Son's face and says "You remember lesson about balance, Daniel Son?"

"Yea" says a goofy looking Daniel Russo.

"Lesson not just for karate, but for ALL of life. Balance make all of life better, you go find balance now."

There I was paying half attention as my kids argued about whos spot was next to me on the couch and suddenly, that phrase rang through the clutter like a mac truck and just about took my breath away.

I was suddenly back under water, I could almost taste the salt water, I could almost feel my burning chest, I could hear the rush of ocean water around me as the truth about where I've been for months and months, now flooded in... I'm still fighting those waves.

My wife is always telling me things like that, how I need to find balance and such. But here, in the midst of this classic scene, from a movie long past it's prime, God connected some dots for me.

It clicked. Balance...

Not a struggling to overpower the currents of life, not a push to muscle through the undertow of the day to day, but balance. Balance to stay above the current, where it's almost effortless.

Later that day, on the beach, my friend showed me how to dive into the wave as it came and let it wash past you. I will never forget the lesson I learned that day. I will never forget what Mr. Miyagi taught me this afternoon.

Thank you Jesus.

- Joseph Son

Lost In the Desert

The other day I had a chance to take my kids hiking at the base of South mountain.

We didn't go very far, but it was fun.

We found a tree and the kids showed me their best super hero pose! Judah's of course is the most intense "going to save the city of Gotham from all that is evil" pose I have ever seen. And Aravis' is her usual sweet and smiling self...

It was awesome, too short, but awesome.

On the way back down the small incline there were a few spots that were a little on the rocky side. One spot in particular was a little ravine, down one sharp decline and swiftly back up the other.

Aravis of course was way out in front of us, with me hollering "wait please!" every thirty seconds.

Judah, with his short little legs wanted to be where his sister was, but was finding it exceedingly difficult to navigate over the grapefruit sized rocks and cross the little ravine. I could tell as he asked me to hold his hand that he was frustrated at his lack of agility. "Of course" I said as I took his hand, but I couldn't help feeling a little sorry for the kid who wants to be every bit as cool and independent as his big sister but lacked the length of legs to do so.

I enjoyed holding his hand and walking. Daisy passed out in the "football carry" of my other arm (drooling all over my forearm). I enjoyed the short time spent walking with my son that morning, but part of me wanted to say "stay here" while I went and raked all of the big rocks out of his way and maybe even build him a little bridge to get across the ravine with ease.

Reading this morning in the beginning of Mark "make straight the paths of the Lord." - the ancient prophecy from Isaiah. I can't help but think that even though I couldn't have literally made a straight path there for my son, I wonder if I can do that for him spiritually...

Maybe today I can find ways to make it abundantly clear and simple for him to RUN unhindered in the ways of the Lord. As short as his little 'spiritual' legs are, as limited as his experience here on this earth may be, if I can only be (in my limited ability) atleast a guide, if not an example, in the ways of Jesus. How awesome would it be if he learned to enjoy the run of "the trail of life" at a young age.


     "'I will send my messenger ahead of you, who will prepare your way-
     A voice of one  calling in the desert, Prepare the way for the Lord, make straight paths for him.'"

Mark  1:2,3

Lord help me today, to make straight your paths. Easy for my children to walk in. Easy for my wife to follow my leading in. Remind me today, in the torrent of life, work, family, school, etc. with your still, small, calm, and steady voice, of the small chance that I have to be like you...

To make the road to you, a little straighter. 

A Dream of Fragility

I woke up just a few minutes ago from a dream. A very sobering dream in which, for reasons that I can't remember now, my daughter was meeting me for the first time since she was a baby.

I was there with just Stephanie and her. I was explaining to her that she had given me a "best friends" bracelet before I went away. I was struggling to connect with this part of me that I knew but who didn't know me.

It was heart-wrenching.

By far the worst dream I have had in a long time.

I woke up with that weird worried feeling, like I was dreading something. You know, the kind of feeling that makes you realize just how lucky you are to have what you do. I realized then that today, any day really, I am only one mistake away from my children growing up not knowing their dad. I am only one stupid decision away from Steph raising my kids on her own. I struggle sometimes so hard to get the generalities of "family" and "I love you" and being a husband and father right, that I forget to acknowledge how it ALL hinges on the small things.

Small things like the fact that I drive a truck literally loaded down with a ton of tools, toolboxes, materials, and equipment everyday. In effect a rolling wrecking ball. With bad brakes, worse tires and usually pushing it to get somewhere. That's risky enough as it is. Now consider that I am usually not smart enough to just focus on the task at hand when I am driving. I am usually texting, looking up something online, or at times even playing games on my phone, and often while dividing my attention between the radio, my coffee, and a host of other little mind distracting annoyances.

I have this picture in my mind. I've been close to it many times before, the close call. I can picture myself, for whatever reason, distracted. Only to realize just seconds too late, that I am about to plow into the back of another vehicle.

Now, my first reaction is to think "no... That wouldn't happen. I am still paying attention when I do these stupid things."

Really Joe! How stupid are you to think that it's even worth the risk of losing it ALL for the sake of texting someone or googling something that had no bearing on the outcome of your day. Is it worth my kids not knowing their dad. Is it worth not getting to grow old with Steph. Laughing, crying, and sharing all of life's beautiful, painful moments together? Is it worth not seeing Aravis kick her first soccer ball past a 7 yr old kid to make a goal? Is it worth missing Judah's first day of school? Is it worth not being there when Daisy takes her first step or says her first word?

No. Nothing is worth the intangibles. Nothing on this earth anyway. And certainly not anything short of life changing.

But thats exactly what those two seconds of distraction could become... Life changing. For me, and for my family.

What scares me is this: How long have I gone through every day, oblivious to the fact that I am only moments away from this bad decision? How long and how often do I not give weight to the little things that could disqualify all of my efforts in the blink of an eye.

"Give me wisdom and knowledge, that I may lead this people, for who is able to govern this great people of yours?"


2 Chronicles 1:10
     (The prayer of Solomon)


Lord give me wisdom today. Oh man I need it badly! Thank you for protecting me and my family from my lack of wisdom, but today help me to operate with an awareness of how fragile lifes intricacies can be. 
    "Give me wisdom and knowledge, that I may lead this family, for who is able to govern this great family of yours?"

Failing Gods tests...

I woke up this morning about 5 or so. I've been realizing that if I am to make this life work I need to keep meeting with God in the mornings. So I spent some time in the word and felt like I received some kind of connection with the Lord. After that I went back to bed. When I woke up again it was my wife who woke me up. She said "Joe" my eyes popped right open. She proceeded to tell me all that was on her heart and I immediately became defensive. She was saying, "but I am hurt" and I was saying "but I just woke up and its not really as bad as you think!" Needless to say, she stayed hurt and I stayed where I was. I was not prepared. I was not ready for her to share her heart with me. My Christlike response was nowhere to be found. I tried to make it right after she gave up, but it was too late at that point. She was even more hurt. Then she left. She was already on her way out the door to teach a yoga class, but she decided to give me a chance to be like Jesus to her. . .

I blew it. I chose myself over her. I chose my own ways instead of Gods' ways.

Now I feel sick. I feel like I have betrayed my wife's heart. I feel like I have taken a look at who she is and just tossed it aside. I feel disgustingly selfish, and at my wife's expense.

What do I do now? What comes next?

I need to find more time alone with Jesus, but I got two kids up and about now. I have a ton of studying to do for a test next week. There is no time to be 'alone' with Jesus.

There's no more quiet place, or solitary place. Even if I found it on the outside, my insides are alive with noise and confusion.

So where do I go. How do I proceed?

Psalms tells us that; the Lord prepares a table for us in the midst of our enemies... In the middle of the valley of the shadow of death!

The mental picture that goes along with that for me is a picture of someone feasting on a nice meal in the middle of a WWII battle field or something.

So is it possible Lord, that if you are that extreme, that you could make a peaceful place in my heart, in the midst of my family? ...

sure.

So really, the next part is very little me and very much about You Lord. I've already taken a shot at it this morning and I failed miserably. So, I need you. I cannot seem to find the right place where the answers are less about what I say and more about what attitude I say them with. I cannot be broken on my own. I need you to do that too.

Lord, You are the "I am".

The beginning, the end, and everything that concerns me in between.

It is a humbling, but necessary request to ask that the God of all creation would help me with what He's given me charge over, but I do need your help.

From the smallest detail to the big picture, my wife's heart is on the line. I need you. I need you Lord. I need you.

I call on your name. I need you.

driving courses...

As I write this I am taking an online driving course...

It is almost as boring as taking an actual driving course, and just as expensive...

Every two years, like clockwork, I receive a speeding ticket.

It has been two years and a month so I figured I was about due.

You can actually get alot of other stuff done as long as you pay attention to the little "are you still reading?" pop-ups that randomly show up every now and then... You only have 20 seconds to answer them so its like a game, like a gamble... Do I try to type one more sentence, or do I buckle under the pressure of the almighty ONLINE COURSE and check the other tab to see if it's waiting for a reply?

Great! now I'm gonna have to go pee and I will have to hurry just to see if I can do it...



Done... and still good on my course... yep, I'm a pro.

Don't try this at home kids, unless of course you have a computer, a driving citation, and $180.00. Then by all means, do it... Try the bathroom trick, its fun.

Onoma

"You may ask me for anything in my name and I will do it."

-Jesus
John 14:14



Here Jesus makes us a promise. A promise that I believe many today, and I must admit myself included, have taken hold of without a real understanding of what it means.


It almost seems to good to be true. Here we have the Lord telling us that if we simply add "in the name of Jesus" to the end of our prayers we can pray expectantly and we're certain to receive at least something. Right?


But what about the times that little formula doesn't work though? What about the battles or needs met with prayer, even in my own life, that seemingly never get better? "Did I not pray right? I did pray 'in Jesus name'." So I resort to assuming that the issues and struggles that destroy my life and plague my family simply are what they are. That God must have a different plan and I must simply leave it in His hands (often a fancy way of saying "I give up" instead of trusting Him).


REALLY?!


Does Jesus make us promises He doesn't intend to keep? Sure He's got his reasons, but if He's got his reasons for not keeping this one will there be reasons for not keeping the others too?... Or is there more to the picture than we realize?


Think with me. Why is it that Picasso put his signature on everything he painted? If I created my own painting, even the best one I could; if I took painstaking hours and endless effort to make sure everything was just right, all the shades and hues were perfect. Could I at that point, with a good enough painting, convince Rembrandt to sign His signature on it? Of course not, no matter how good of a job I did on it. That is simply not how it works.


An artists' name, their signature on a piece of artwork is more than just a piece of the painting. It's their life! It truly is every painstaking moment they've put into not only that painting, but all their masterpieces. If the name is compromised, the value and weight that name carries is severely damaged. It is also the way we identify the painting as an original. That signature becomes the expression of authenticity, the "thumbprint" of the artist. In the Greek the word that translates here as name is "onoma." This signature, this reputation if you will, is the kind of name Jesus is referring to in this passage.


Jesus is not saying "Hey, here's a cool trick; try adding 'in Jesus name' when you finish a prayer. You'll get more done!" What he wants us to grasp is that in the same way a masterpiece bears the signature of the master, we should bear the mark of Christlike authenticity, that comes only through studying and knowing Jesus, in our lives. So all of a sudden instead of begging Jesus to fix the things that rape and plunder our lives and families while invoking the name of Jesus as our heavenly insurance. We find here that Jesus is really saying "pray and ask me for what you need and then go and walk in my ways." Jesus invites us, beckons us here to really know Him! Saying 'do as I do, know who I am, bear my brushstrokes of authenticity in your life and certainly I'll do whatever it is that you ask of me.' He's not saying 'pray in my name.' He's saying 'pray while living out my name!' In this I find excitement! An adventure, not just sitting and waiting for answers, but a challenge. A pursuit with Jesus at the center of it! A way not only to pray for my families' healing and wholeness, but a way to take part in it as I seek to become fully and totally broken and submitted in the hands of the master. As I become and conform more and more to Christs' ways and His life, I actually walk in what I was created to be; His masterpiece, bearing His authentic signature.


We might also look at it like this. The word onoma here is not only ones reputation, but also a piece of that person. in using their 'onoma' or name, you are standing in their shoes. A fully capable and willing representative.


Like when my wife married me, she took on my name. She did so in order to identify with me, so we could 'be one.' Our children bear my name, they are a part of our family, they identify with their mother and me. My wife, my kids, like it or not, good or bad bear my onoma. They are a piece of me. They bear not only my name, but the weight of who I am and the consequences of what I choose.


Jesus says here 'bear my name, have my onoma. Identify with me, bear the weight of my actions, be free. Take part in my life, walk in what I choose and surely I'll do whatever it is that you ask! Because I know that if you are asking, then I trust it is exactly what I would want. That's how much I trust you, because you know me, you bear my onoma.'



Lord mark my life. place your onoma on my heart. that I would not only pray to you for my family, but I would also be you to my family.

The Stupid Gene

"What does man gain from all his labor at which he toils under the sun?

Generations come and generations go, but the earth remains forever.

The sun rises and the sun sets, and hurries back to where it rises.

The wind blows to the south and turns to the north; round and round it goes ever returning on its course.

All streams flow into the sea, yet the sea is never full.

To the place the streams come from there they return again.

All things are wearisome, more than one can say.The eye never has its fill of seeing, nor the ear its fill of hearing."

Ecclesiastes 1:3-8

Ever notice that there are some people who excel and even make a living at doing things that others dare not attempt; Extreme sports junkies, dare-devils and the like. Science has known for a few years now that often, what causes certain people to do these kinds of things is actually a chemical imbalance in the brain. Supposedly it's caused by the presence of a certain gene that helps to surpress the normal function of the brain saying "hey genious, that's not a good idea!" The medical community has taken to calling it the 'dare-devil gene.'

I actually have a less cool, somewhat retarded mutation of this type of gene called the 'stupid gene.' This was made very clear to me the other day. I decided I was going to spend a couple of hours mountain biking north of Care Free in a place I had not been. Like many other rides, it had started out peaceful. The few people that I passed were were all smiles and greetings. The sun was on my back and the wind kept it a constant cool temperature. I enjoyed trying to ride throught the small stream that turned out to be about three feet deep and caused me to get soaking wet with ice-cold but welcome water. Things were turning out to be pretty wonderful. Until I turned down a little trail called Elephant Mountain.

Now I should have known that this was not a good idea when I wrecked three times going down the first decline into a ravine at the bottom. But my 'stupid-gene' is a prominent force when it comes to making decisions like this, so I continued on. It must have taken me an hour to travel about a half mile up a dry river bottom, which I was not entirely conviced was even still the trail. I was right, and eventually did find the trail again, only to be met with more steep-uphill, loose rocks, and needy cacti. It seemed that if I wasn't carrying my bike up an incline, I was sitting and picking cactus out of my body. At some point I remember thinking "I should turn back." But my stupid-gene debated this decision with that little voice of reason inside of my head (which sounds an awful lot like my wifes voice) and stupidity won. After miles of no sign of other bike tracks, uphill carrying, cactus filled shins, and absolutely no fun at all, I finally reached the top of Elephant Mountain.

Coming down Elephant Mountain was a feat in itself, honestly a little beyond my skill level on a mountain bike, but I eventually made it. There was a point at which though I figured I would not make it out before dark and end up spending the night for fear of losing the trail. At one time I figured "I am going to break something and have to get air lifted out." I literally thought I was gonna be the stupid guy they show on the news that gets fined and humiliated for being somewhere that he clearly had no business being!

What is it inside of me that causes the stupid gene to be the deciding member in decisions that, in my case, clearly could have hindered my ability to provide for my family, or worse.

In Ecclesiastes, the king finishes this small passage by saying "the eye never has its fill of seeing, nor the ear its fill of hearing." Basically noting that God has placed something inside of him that is not satisfied with where he is at. Whether its the need to go further down the trail on that bike, or the need to climb our way through promotion after promotion at work. Whether the need is to stay up late with our spouse trying to understand their point of veiw through our haze of selfish thoughts or simply to push ourselves past our limit to get that extra couple reps on the bench at the gym. Something inside of us silently screams out to push further and harder in this life.

I beleive it is the essence of life...

The very nature, the core of who we are.

One of the main reasons why God said of us that we are fashioned in His image...

I watch my 11 month old son try to walk, why? Is it because he wants to look cool? Is it because he understands that he will need to get that down first before he is able to jump and play? no...

I beleive there is something deeper hidden inside of his un-coordinated little legs, a desire to be like his dad... Yes, I do mean me, but more so, and more to the core of who we are, I mean our heavenly father.

Now I see that my Stupid Gene is not some kind of anomalie, mistakenly grown into my DNA by years of diminishing returns. Nor is it some kind of trigger mutation caused by the rBST hormones in the milk these days. It is an echo of a deeper meaning, a shadow of a stronger man, placed there long ago by a God longing to connect with his creation, wanting to share a peice of Himself with his children.

This desire does not have a goal other than moving forward. It is focused where you direct it. It truly illustrates that "where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." I can choose to waste my efforts and pursuits on furthering my agenda in this life, and end up as so many have; only to see that this life is too short to make a difference that way. Or I can push and force and fight for God's agenda, the plan that brings health, life, purpose, and direction to my family and myself, leaving a blessing for my children and their children and so on.

Lord, let me not surpress the things that you've put inside of me, rather let me use them wisely as to their original intent. To act, think, and love more like you.